


Belonging

by Aria_Lerendeair



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Gabriel, Angsty Gabriel, Fallen!Gabriel, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Gabriel, M/M, Mentions of Consensual Prostitution, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 13:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5872879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years after the fall of the angels, Gabriel shows up on the doorstep of the bunker, exhausted and at the end of his rope.  He doesn't know what he's hoping for (maybe a quick end), but being swept up into Sam Winchester's arms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Belonging

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Itch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itch/gifts).



> Also written for Itch's birthday!

 

 

Gabriel had shown up on their doorstep, almost two years to the day after all of the angels had fallen.  

 

Sam had opened the door to the knock that none of them had been expected, and Gabriel had almost fallen into his arms.  He'd been exhausted, at the end of his rope in a way that he hadn't thought possible, and this had been a true last resort.  And yet, here they were, Sam, Dean and Castiel, looking a little older, a little more worn, and they were here, but alive.  

 

Sam had picked him up and carried him into the bunker, slamming the door shut behind him, just as the world had started to spin.  Gabriel tried to blink and keep his eyes open, but it was difficult, and exhaustion came so quickly now.  

 

It's Castiel's words that echo in the bunker as the last thing he hears before everything goes black.  

 

"Gabriel, he's fallen."  

 

~!~ 

 

When Gabriel woke up again, it was to the very human demands of his bladder.  He didn't want to leave the comfortable sheets, or the mattress and pillow that were the softest things he's felt in months, but he did need to go to the bathroom.  

 

A quick trip down the hallway and a thankfully open door show him the bathroom soon enough and Gabriel stumbled back to the room he had been sleeping in.  He wanted to wonder how much time had gone by since he arrived.  It felt like weeks, and he still felt weaker than a fledgling.  

 

He fell onto the bed and managed to muster up the effort to get under the blankets again, before letting the blackness creep over him again.  

 

"Don't worry," A soothing voice says.  "You're safe here.  Rest.  We'll be here when you wake up."  

 

Gabriel didn't know why, but he believed that voice, with every single inch of him.  It was strange.  He didn't have faith anymore, he lost it a long time ago, but he had belief in that voice.  He trusted it, even though he probably shouldn't.  He'd learned his lesson trusting people, trusting humans before.  

 

~!~

 

When he woke up again, some of the exhaustion had receded and Gabriel was aware of just how hungry he was.  He managed to push himself upright and looked around the room.  It was a big bed that he was laying on, and there was a chair next to the bed, with an open book on the arm.  He frowned at it.  That was bad for the spine of the book.  

 

He reached out and lifted it up, looking at the page it had been open to.  Gabriel recognized the words, but they were still a little blurry.  He blinked a few times when he heard footsteps and looked towards the door, just as Sam Winchester stepped through the doorframe.  

 

"You're awake!"  

 

Gabriel blinked again at the shout, and at the way Sam disappeared a moment later.  He looked down at the book and closed it carefully, putting it back down on the seat of the chair.  The demands of his human body were enough to give him a headache, and Gabriel wished he could ignore the burning need that flitted between hunger, thirst and tiredness.  

 

Sam's shoulders filled the doorway a moment later and Gabriel tried to smile when he saw the tray with two bottles of water, a handful of sandwiches and a candy bar.  It was put down on the bed and Gabriel reached out, trailing his fingers over the Snickers bar.  The white-hot burning of tears started at the back of his eyes and he blinked hard.  He _hated_ this!  

 

"Gabriel?" Sam asked, sitting down on the chair.  "Are you all right?  Do you know who I am?"  

 

Gabriel forced his hands to move away from the candy bar and to the water bottle, opening it and chugging down several gulps of it before he took another breath of air.  He finished off the bottle only a moment later and dropped it back down to the tray.  How long would the Winchesters let him stay?  A few hours, if he was lucky?  

 

Maybe Castiel could help him?  Not that he deserved it, not that Cas actually _would_  help him.  But he could ask, and maybe, maybe his brother would take pity on him.  Gabriel picked up one of the sandwiches, forcing himself to take a bite.  It was ash in his mouth and he hated how he forced himself to eat it, bite by bite.  

 

Sam didn't ask him any other questions, only stared at him, and took the tray away when he curled back up on the bed.  Now that his stomach was full, and the headache from lack of water was receding, he could sleep again.  Gabriel closed his eyes and told himself to breathe slowly, and that sleep would come to him eventually.  

 

It did, but not before he heard Sam pad back into the room.  His watchdog then.  Sam must have volunteered for the job, especially since he knew exactly what Gabriel was capable of.  Gabriel would have laughed at how the situation was reversed now, but it still hurt to think about.  He was grounded.   _ Permanently _ .  

 

He opened his eyes when he couldn't pretend to sleep anymore and looked at Sam sitting in the chair across from the bed.  That couldn't be comfortable.  Gabriel burrowed into the blankets a little deeper and tried to memorize how good this felt.  It would be a long time before he felt anything like this ever again, he was sure.  

 

"I know you're awake, Gabriel," Sam called, staring at the lump of blankets on the bed.  

 

Gabriel was pretty sure that he could out-wait Sam.  Pretty sure.   _Maybe_.  Probably unlikely.  But maybe.  Fuck, who was he kidding, of course he couldn't out-wait Sam.  He sighed and flipped the covers back, looking over at Sam.  "Time to kick me out?"  

 

Sam tilted his head and stared at the archangel.  "Pretty sure that's not what I'm intending.  I was going to ask if you were hungry or needed to go to the bathroom."  

 

Gabriel blinked and shook his head.  He forced himself into an upright position and blew out a breath, running his fingers through his hair.  He'd have to tell Sam that it was fine.  That he'd not expected the Winchesters to welcome him with open arms.  

 

"Are you feeling up to talking, Gabriel?  You've been out of it for a week," Sam said, leaning a little closer.  

 

Gabriel blew out a breath and looked at the wall across from the bed.  A whole week?  He'd been out of it so much that he hadn't noticed a week going by?  

 

"And you're my guard dog in case I try to escape?" Gabriel asked, turning to look at Sam.  

 

Sam raised an eyebrow.  "No, more like your caretaker.  I've been bringing you food and water.  I had Cas heal you to what extent he could whenever he was here to make sure you made it between your conscious moments."  

 

"Why?" Gabriel snapped, glaring at Sam now.  "I've done nothing to earn your help."  

 

"Well," Sam said, clasping his hands in front of him.  "I wouldn't consider that right.  Because of you, we were able to stop the apocalypse."  

 

Gabriel rolled his eyes.  "You stopped it, at a cost much higher than you had been willing to pay."  

 

Sam shook his head.  "Being brought back wasn't anything I ever considered.  That was my brother.  But my life, to save the rest of the world?  That was a very easy decision to make."  

 

"Always willing to be the martyr," Gabriel said, looking at Sam again.  He just wanted to get it over and done with.  They should just kick him out already.  

 

"Where have you been Gabriel?" Sam asked, staring at him.  Gabriel was different, and though Cas had said that Gabriel was fallen, permanently, there was something rough around the edges about him.  

 

Gabriel huffed out a tired laugh and rubbed at his eyes.  "That spell of Metatron's was a doozy.  It knocked all of the angels out of heaven, sure.  But it nearly destroyed me.  Note, I was still recovering from my _brother_  doing that exact same thing to me," he snapped.  

 

Sam flinched at that and Gabriel wanted to feel better, but instead, he only felt a little bit worse.  Damn Sam and making him feel things that he wasn't supposed to.  

 

"After that?" Sam asked, focusing on the angel again.  

 

"After that?" Gabriel echoed, turning to look at the wall.  "I don't know the name for the region of the world I fell in these days.  Used to be a part of the Byzantine Empire the last time I was there," he said, closing his eyes.  

 

"I had nothing.   _Nothing_.  I used what I knew of humans.  I begged, borrowed and stole a life for myself," Gabriel said, blowing out a breath.  

 

Sam hummed, imagining what that must have been like for a celestial being who had been used to having everything at the snap of his fingers.  "How did you end up on our doorstep?"  

 

"I heard what happened.  You boys are famous, even across the Atlantic.  I pieced together the story, with what I knew of it, and the whispers that I could hear, if I listened in certain places," Gabriel said.  

 

"A brother found me.  One you never knew.  His vessel was deteriorating.  He tried to push me out of mine," Gabriel said, his eyes going dark as he stared at the wall.  "I knew I couldn't stay.  I started running.  It's been..." he frowned.  "What month is it?" 

 

"It's September, Gabriel," Sam said, his voice quiet.  

 

Gabriel exhaled hard and closed his eyes.  "I left in March.  So, six months.  I found my way here.  Listened to the rumors.  I could feel the wards around the place.  It's faint, but they're here."  

 

" _Jesus_ ," Sam whispered, his eyes wide.  "How did you, how did you pay for that?"  

 

Gabriel snorted out another laugh and tossed his hair out of his face.  "Begged, borrowed and stole.  Sold this body where I could."  He scoffed at the horror on Sam's face.  "I was willing and able - and I am still angel enough that I don't have to worry about diseases.  I put my experience as a pagan to use."  

 

Sam swallowed hard and nodded.  "And then you ended up here?"  

 

"Yeah," Gabriel muttered.  "Tricks don't go as far in the countryside.  Now that I can die, well, I had to be more careful here.  Hadn't eaten in a while, and hadn't been able to sleep either."  

 

Sam reached out and touched Gabriel's arm.  "Why did you come here?"  

 

Gabriel blew out a breath.  He didn't have a good answer to that question.  He'd wanted to apologize to Castiel.  Maybe even to Sam and Dean.  "I don't know."  

 

"Yes you do," Sam said, staring at Gabriel.  "But if you don't want to tell me right now, that's fine."  

 

Gabriel flinched back from the knowing look that Sam gave him.  Fuck he'd deserved that, deserved it a hundred times over.  He took a deep breath and focused on the blankets in front of him.  "I'll tell you, if you tell me why you are helping me."  

 

Sam smiled a little bit and nodded.  "That's fair.  We're helping you, I'm helping you, because it's the right thing to do.  Because you showed up on our doorstep, needing help, and I wasn't about to turn you back out into the night."  

 

"You could have," Gabriel said, looking up at Sam.  "You could have slammed that door in my face, forgotten about me, gone on with your night and no one would have thought worse of you."  

 

"If you think," Sam said, offering Gabriel a water bottle and a bowl of soup.  "That I would have done that, then you don't know me at all, Gabriel."  

 

Gabriel frowned as Sam stood and left the room, heading for wherever he was going to in this cursed place.  He flopped back into the blankets and tried to sleep, but the exhaustion that had licked at him for what felt like forever was mysteriously absent.  

 

He waited until the sounds beyond the open door had all stopped and it was night before he threw off the blankets again.  Gabriel wrapped his arms tightly around himself and started to walk down the hallway.  It didn't take long before he found a library and he paused, looking around the room.  

 

He'd worked in a library for a few months.  His ability to read Aramaic had been surprising, but welcome, and he had been allowed to help organize the books for a time.  It'd been some of the most comfortable months he had spent in his time fallen.  Gabriel padded closer and slowly stroked a fingertip over the spine of a book.  He could feel Sam, in every single inch of this room.  It belonged to Sam, and it would be best if he didn't touch.  

 

"Gabriel."  

 

Gabriel froze and steadied himself before he turned around to face Castiel.  His brother was concerned, and he could see it in the wrinkle of Castiel's brow.  He had to wonder when Castiel had started to properly mimic human expressions.  "Hello, Castiel."  

 

Castiel smiled then and Gabriel was almost positive he could see Castiel's Grace dancing in delight.  He wrapped his arms a little tighter around himself and waited to be told to leave.  He had long outstayed his welcome.  

 

"What is wrong, Gabriel?" Castiel asked, moving closer.  "Are you cold?  I can get you a blanket if you wish."  

 

Gabriel shook his head as Castiel stopped almost directly in front of him.  He swallowed hard and he looked towards the bookshelf again.  "I'm fine.  I'm just wondering when you're going to kick me out.  Sam's too nice to say anything."  

 

Castiel tilted his head and studied Gabriel.  "Why would we kick you out?"  

 

Gabriel laughed, harsh and grating.  His throat hurt with the sound and he stepped around Castiel, heading back towards the room he'd left.  "Maybe you should ask Sam and Dean.  I'm sure they can give you a host of reasons.  Remind you of what yours should be."  

 

Castiel frowned as he watched Gabriel disappear into the room again.  He picked up the book Gabriel had touched, as well as some others, and brought them into the room, putting them on the bedside table.  Gabriel would eventually succumb to boredom.  

 

Things were worse than he had feared.  He would need to discuss further with Sam.  Whatever had happened to Gabriel during his time of being fallen, the world had not been gentle to him and he was trying to treat it with the same disdain. Both of the brothers were waiting for him in the kitchen and Castiel sat down to explain his latest interaction with Gabriel.  

 

~!~

 

Gabriel knew someone was in the room with him when he woke up again.  By the sound of the breathing, it wasn't Sam.  Castiel didn't need to breathe, which left one person.  "Dean," he said, lifting the blankets away just enough to be clear.  

 

"Yep," Dean said, flipping a page in the book he was reading.  "Sam figured you were pissed at him.  My turn to watch over you."  

 

"I don't need watching over!" Gabriel snapped, spinning around to glare at Dean.  

 

Dean raised an eyebrow at him.  "Really?  That why you told Cas you were just waiting for us to kick you out?"  

 

Gabriel scowled and told himself that he was never going to mention anything to Castiel ever again  He was incapable of keeping his mouth shut.  "Well, aren't you?"  

 

"No," Dean said, looking back down at his book.  "You're free to go, of course, and we'll drop you off wherever you want.  But we're not going to kick you out."  

 

Gabriel blinked and stared at Dean, but he just kept flipping the pages in his book from time to time.  The timing differed too, which told Gabriel he actually _was_  reading.  He clenched his fists in the blankets.  "Why the hell not?"  

 

Dean shrugged.  "Sam wants to help you.  Think he feels guilty about you dying.  He'll make it up to you any way that he can."  

 

"He doesn't owe me anything!" Gabriel snapped.  

 

Dean huffed out a laugh.  "Try telling that to him.  He's got the idea in his head, and he was willing to fight me for it.  Anything he believes in that strongly, I'm not going to fight him on."  

 

Sam believed in him?  Gabriel sat back a little, trying to absorb that information.  It shouldn't be possible.  Sam should hate him, after everything he had done, the _only_ thing Sam should feel for him was hate.  Maybe even loathing.  

 

Dean looked over the edge of the book and grinned. "That surprised you, huh?  That Sam believes in you?"  

 

"Fuck off," Gabriel said, mostly on reflex.  Dean didn't even flinch, only snorted and turned back to his book.  Yeah, that's probably a lot less threatening when he couldn't turn Sam into a car any longer. 

 

"You should talk to Sam," Dean said, looking over the edge of the book.  "Even if it's only to offer helping with the library.  He'd appreciate that, I know it."  

 

Gabriel huffed and decided he would do exactly that, but he would do that when Dean wasn't hovering over him like a worried hen.  He took a deep breath and threw the covers off of himself and padded towards the bathroom.  

 

_Well_.  He could at least help with the library.  He knew how to do that.  And he could still read languages.  Maybe a few none of the Winchesters could read.  In a place like this, that stank of old magic, both light and dark, there had to be secrets that he could help with.  

 

Gabriel took care of himself and took a shower, deciding that he stank and if he was going to attempt to make an argument to stay, he needed to cover some of the basics.  When he stepped out of the spray, he was surprised to find a fresh towel and some clean clothes waiting on the sink.  He picked them up and slipped them on, deciding that it must have been Cas.  

 

He toweled off his hair and borrowed some of the mouthwash at the sink.  He felt better than he had in weeks, but now he was starving again.  Gabriel padded past the bedroom and saw that Dean was gone from the chair.  He looked down the hallway and kept walking, squaring his shoulders.  

 

He came out into a larger room that was clearly attached to the kitchen and froze at the sight of Dean, Sam and Castiel all sitting at a table, Sam and Dean pointing at the map, quietly arguing over something.  Gabriel considered turning tail and running, but that wouldn't get him a place to stay.  

 

He took another deep breath and focused on the kitchen, striding for the room.  

 

"Don't you break anything in my kitchen!" Dean called.  

 

"I've been cooking in kitchens before your ancestors were born, I'm sure I can manage!" Gabriel snapped back, and grinned a little when he heard Sam snicker.  He opened the fridge and pulled out lunchmeat.  This was simple.  He could do this.  

 

It took him far longer than he would have liked, but he headed back out to the table with a plate and a glass of water, sitting at the opposite end from the rest of them.  Gabriel tried to keep himself quiet as he dug into the food, but it was fresh, delicious and wasn't the soup he had been eating for the past few days.  

 

He froze mid-gulp of water when Sam cleared his throat and he realized the other three were staring at him.   _Shit_.  "Uh, I'll be quiet," Gabriel managed, swallowing down the water.  

 

"Gabriel," Sam said, looking over at Dean.  "Come sit down here.  You're not a leper, you can sit at this end of the table."  

 

Gabriel snorted, but obediently picked up his sandwich and water and sat down, just one seat from Sam.  That at least got a pleased smile on Sam's face and he could look over his shoulder and see what he was working on translating.  

 

He dug back into the sandwich and within a few seconds, the others were back to talking amongst themselves.  Gabriel smiled and let himself slow down, properly enjoying the sandwich.  When he'd finished and leaned back in the chair, he relaxed and let the voice of Cas, Sam and Dean all wash over him.  

 

"Gabriel?" Sam called.  

 

Gabriel startled upright, looking around wildly.  But it was only Sam, Dean and Cas were gone from the table and it looked like Sam was still working through the document he'd been working on before.  

 

"Hey," Sam called, reaching out to put a hand on Gabriel's arm.  "It's all right, sorry.  You were dozing off, and bed is a hell of a lot more comfortable than that chair."  

 

Gabriel blinked at him and squinted.  "Why are you being so nice to me?"  

 

Sam chuckled.  "Because you need help, Gabriel, and I want to help you."  

 

"Stop feeling guilty," Gabriel grumbled.  "I'm not worth feeling guilty over, never have been." He pushed himself to his feet and yawned, pushing his fingers through his hair.  

 

Sam watched Gabriel trudge towards the bedrooms.  "Gabriel," he called.  

 

Gabriel stopped and looked over his shoulder at Sam, raising an eyebrow at him.  "Yeah?"  

 

"You are worth it," Sam said, his voice soft.  "You're incredibly brave and strong.  And if someone hasn't told you that, I wanted to make sure I did."  

 

Gabriel froze and stared at Sam, his mind swimming with the words.   _Brave_?   ** _Strong_**?  He was none of those things.  He was a _coward_.  A coward who had never been strong enough to stand up to his brother, to his family.  He'd never been strong.  "You're wrong," he said, trudging the rest of the way to the bedroom.  

 

Gabriel pressed himself face first to the bed and didn't bother closing the door behind him.  He buried himself under the blankets and pillows and it was only there, where his breath was too hot and humid that he allowed the hot burning in his eyes to turn to tears.  He didn't let his shoulders shake, and he didn't let any other noises escape him.  

 

The tears fell fast and heavy regardless and Gabriel fell asleep again, dreaming of heaven and the stars.  

 

~!~

 

They settled into an uneasy rhythm. Gabriel found his place translating in the library, and offering up suggestions on lore and monsters that they were hunting, and helping other hunters with.  His depth of knowledge surpassed Castiel's, and more than once he had helped them break a case.  

 

Sam didn't try to call him brave or strong again.   _Good_.  Maybe he'd learned his lesson.  Gabriel didn't think so.  Sam was likely just biding his time.  Maybe waiting until there was a good minute to kick him out.  

 

But Dean had thrown a few bags at him the last time they had come back from a hunt.  It was clothes, in his size nonetheless.  He burned his old clothes.  It felt good.  He'd laughed at the plaid shirts and even Sam had grinned at him for a quick moment, saying that it was a requirement for staying in the bunker.  

 

It was such a small one, Gabriel couldn't even find it in himself to mind.  

 

It still caught up with him, sometimes.  The smallest of things reminded him of what he was.  What his life was now, and what he had left.  Being a fallen angel.  He would age like a human.  He would die, eventually.  Where did fallen angels go when they died? Purgatory?  A small shudder worked its way down his spine at the idea.  

 

"Gabriel?" Sam asked.  

 

Gabriel shook himself and snapped to attention again.  He couldn't afford to get distracted like that.  He couldn't.  "Sorry, I was in the middle of translating, wasn't I?"  

 

"What distracted you?" Sam asked, flipping a page in the book he was working on.  

 

Gabriel chuckled.  "Just your run of the mill existential crisis.  Don't worry Samsquatch, I'm fine, let's keep going."  

 

Sam tilted his head and looked at him.  "Existential crisis?  Why?  What's going on?"  

 

Gabriel looked up at the ceiling and cursed his mouth.  He never should have said anything.  He blew out a breath.  "Do humans really think about dying all of the time?"  

 

"Well, yeah," Sam said, shrugging a little.  "It's inevitable.  Something that we all know comes for us, sooner or later."  

 

"How do you handle thinking about it?  Most humans don't know that heaven and hell exist.  What do...what do they think?" Gabriel asked, glancing over at Sam.  

 

Sam chuckled.  "I have no idea.  I tried not to think about it as much as possible, and when I did think about it, I knew it was real." 

 

"But you know you'll go to heaven," Gabriel countered.  "After everything you've done."  

 

"Actually," Sam said, his voice growing soft.  "I think it's the opposite.  Do you think, after everything with Metatron, the angels would let us anywhere near heaven?"  

 

Gabriel stared at Sam.  "They don't get to make that decision.  There are laws that govern that.  You'll be let in." 

 

Sam laughed.  "You sound so sure."  

 

"I was one of the most powerful creatures _in_  heaven, Sam.  If there's someone who knows, and who would be sure about it?  It's me," Gabriel countered, staring Sam down.  That didn't make his own fate any easier to think about.  

 

Sam studied Gabriel for a long moment and tilted his head.  “Oh, is that what you were thinking about?”  

 

Gabriel tensed and cleared his throat.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  

 

“Gabriel,” Sam said.  “It’s natural to be afraid of death-”  

 

“You don’t get it,” Gabriel said with a sigh, dropping his pen to the table.  “I die, I’m gone.  I’m an immortal who was never meant to die.  Maybe, if I’m lucky, I go to Purgatory.  That’s if I’m extremely _lucky_.”  He tightened his fingers into fists and breathed hard out.  “I deserve _nothing_ -”

 

“That’s not true,” Sam interrupted, reaching out to grab Gabriel’s arm.  “You listen to me, because I tried to respect your wishes and not tell you how brave-”

 

“I’m not brave!” Gabriel shouted, ripping his arm away.  “I’m a _coward_!  I’ve been a coward my entire life!  You call me brave and strong, and you know nothing!”  He stood up and paced away from the table.  “Nothing, Sam!”  

 

Sam stood up as well and stalked after Gabriel, spinning him around.  “You don’t seem to know the definition of a coward, Gabriel!  So you were scared, fine!  So you ran away once, fine!  That doesn’t make you a coward!  You stood up, you died when it mattered!” Sam growled.  

 

“And you think that is enough to get me into heaven?” Gabriel scoffed, glaring at Sam.  “You don’t know the things I did to survive, Sam!”  

 

“I know that you did survive!” Sam shouted.  “Do you understand what an incredible thing that is, Gabriel?  Do you not understand how brave you had to be to simply do what you needed to so you could survive?” 

 

“It doesn’t matter!  None of it was enough!” Gabriel snarled, spinning away from Sam.  “I don’t deserve heaven, I don’t deserve this, you, anything you’re doing!”  

 

Sam froze and kept his hand wrapped tightly around Gabriel’s arm.  “Why not, Gabriel?”  

 

Gabriel struggled against Sam’s hold, but he’d never be able to get free.  He sighed and sagged, going limp in front of Sam.  Of course Sam would push.  “I don’t deserve it,” he whispered.  

 

Sam let go of Gabriel and shifted, turning and wrapping him up in his arms.  He cradled Gabriel tightly against his chest and whispered into Gabriel’s hair.  “Why do you think that you don’t deserve it?”  

 

“I ran away,” Gabriel whispered, and he hated the tears that were too much and too strong.  He couldn’t keep them back, and Sam’s arms were strong, wrapped around him and he was weak.  So weak.  

 

“So did I,” Sam said.  He kept his voice soft, his lips tickling Gabriel’s hair.  

 

“I hate what I had to do, Sam,” Gabriel said, tightening his hands into Sam’s shirt, clinging to him.  

 

Sam kept his arms firmly around Gabriel.  “You did what you had to so you could survive, Gabriel.  There is no shame, and no guilt in that.  You found a way to get here, and I am very, very proud of you for finding your way here.”  

 

Gabriel shook in Sam’s arms, the tears leaking from his eyes.  Sam’s words were a benediction, a forgiveness he didn’t deserve.  He wasn’t strong like Sam.  He wasn’t brave, not like Sam was.  He was nothing.   _Worthless_.  

 

“I’ll tell you as often as you need until you believe me, Gabriel.  Forever if need be,” Sam whispered.  “You are brave.  You are worthy.  And you are so, so, strong.”  

 

_ But… _

 

But maybe Sam didn’t mind.  

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Criticisms welcome!
> 
> You can find me here: 
> 
> [Aria-Lerendeair ](http://aria-lerendeair.tumblr.com/)
> 
> You can also watch me write fics like this (and dozens of others) live! Follow me on Livestream for fics, shenanigans and a general all-around awesome time! http://new.livestream.com/accounts/7212317


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